What is sexual identity mentoring?

While we’re growing up, it’s often assumed that we’re straight. We are shown “how” to be straight from the moment we’re born, whether it’s conscious or not.

As we begin to understand the parts of us that aren’t straight, the number of resources available to help navigate this greatly diminish the older we get. There are lots of support groups and peer resources for kids, teens and young adults but if you do a search as an adult there’s basically nothing. 

Something I’ve discovered in talking about sexual identity in sobriety is that a large number of folks begin to realize or accept that they aren’t straight in recovery, often in their 30s, 40s or later when people think they should already have figured this stuff out. This later in life questioning about sexual identity can often illicit confusion, shame, and denial.

What I aim to do with sexual identity mentoring is to provide a safe, affirming space for people to discuss their questions about their sexuality without any pressure to say the right thing or to know “what” they are. We go through some exercises to see how heterosexism has impacted their ability to embrace the parts of themselves that aren’t straight and we talk about elements of queerness that may seem confusing or foreign to them.

I am not a therapist. I am not a coach. I am simply someone who has decades of experience as a queer person and who truly believes that everyone who has questions or is newly figuring out their sexuality, especially as an adult or a sober person, deserves the support and guidance of someone who will show up with kindness and care.

Questions I’ve Been Asked

Have I really been asked all of these things? Yes! Keep checking back as I’ll be adding to this list as I get more questions.

Are you a licensed therapist or coach?

No. I’m just someone who had dedicated the past 20+ years of their life to learning about sexuality and helping people feel welcome in the LGBTQ+ community.

 

Learn more about me here.

I’m very solidly middle aged, isn’t it too late for me to explore my sexuality?

Absolutely not!

It’s never too late to step into who you truly are. If there’s a possibility that you can feel more free and confident, why wouldn’t you take that chance? 

I’m too old, who’s going to want to be with someone who has no experience at my age?

While it may be harder to find a partner, it’s certainly not impossible. There are many LGBTQ+ folks out there who recognize that sexual experience doesn’t equal queerness. I know MANY people who have accepted their sexuality well into their 30s, 40s and older who have found happy, healthy, supportive partners. 

I’ve always been attracted to people who are the same gender as myself but can only imagine myself marrying someone of a different gender than me, does that mean I’m straight?

No. That doesn’t mean you’re straight. That means you have grown up in a heteronormative society. (hint: all current societies are heteronormative)

Heteronormativity is the idea that being straight is normal and expected while being anything other than straight is abnormal. Throughout our lives we’re taught to explain away any attractions we have to people who don’t fit into the heterosexual mold and, therefore, we’re taught to not take our queer desires seriously.

You likely can only imagine yourself marrying someone of a different gender than you because that’s what you’ve been conditioned to imagine over your lifetime. 

There are so many different terms and identities within the LGBTQ+ community, how to I learn them without offending someone?

For now, if you have any question about a term or a reference, feel free to send me an email to ask me! I will never judge you or be offended by your questions.

In the future I hope to create resources for people who are new to the LGBTQ+ community and their families so sign up for my newsletter if you want to know as soon as that’s available!