Who am I?
Hi! Hello! My name is Tracy Murphy.
I’m an agender lesbian who is also sober.
I grew up in New England during the 80s and 90s, pre-internet as we know it today. As a child, I had my first crush on a girl at the age of five, while I was in kindergarten, though I didn’t know that’s what It was until I was much older.
Constant Craving by k.d. Lang came out when I was 11 years old. I remember standing in front of the TV, watching that music video, even though I had no interest in the song itself. To see someone who was so butch on TV in my home provided me with the knowledge that there was more to gender expression than simply feminine and masculine.
I fully realized I wasn’t straight when I was 14, though I first thought I was bisexual. I wasn’t ready to give up on heteronormativity yet.
It took a few more years before I’d tell anyone about my sexuality.
When I came out in 1997 I was extremely lucky to have access to a whole community of LGBTQ+ folks who were my age and support resources with access to queer adults.
It was during this time, in my late teens and early 20s that I found myself drawn to helping people who were questioning their sexuality as well as people who were working to accept their sexuality.
I was very involved with the LGBTQ youth group I attended, worked to start a new group for adults who were too young for the group and became a trusted source of guidance for friends navigating their queerness.
When I got sober in early 2016, it quickly became clear to me that there was a gap when it came to space for LGBTQ+ folks in the recovery community and I wanted to fill it.
As I continued to try and fill that gap, something happened: I was hearing more and more from people who were realizing and/or accepting their queerness after getting sober. Oftentimes these people thought it was too late or they were too old to explore this part of themselves.
When you search for coming out or support resources for adults, you don’t get much. It was frustrating that I didn’t have anywhere to direct all of the people who needed guidance.
Then I realized that I could be the one to give them guidance. I’ve been working for the past couple of years to build what is now Sexual Identity Mentoring. I’ve been reading, researching and talking to people who are early on their path.
I’m not a coach or a mental health professional, I’m simply a person who has a lot of experience that I want to share.